President Joesley Batista: From Plea-Bargain Villain to Planalto Favorite – The Next Logical Step
It sounds like dark satire, but say it out loud and let it settle: in ten years, or less, the man who paid $150 million in bribes to Lula, Dilma, Temer, and half of Congress could be on the presidential ballot with a serious shot at winning. A modern Lula, no alcohol, Lula on steroids may be fonder a contendant in the future, to make the left happy.
Impossible? That’s what everyone said when a convicted felon, jailed for stealing billions from Petrobras, had his sentences annulled on procedural technicalities and strolled back into the Palácio do Planalto in 2022. Brazil already did the unthinkable once. Doing it again with an even more cartoonishly corrupt billionaire would simply be the sequel.
Joesley2 already has everything a modern Brazilian presidential campaign requires:
– Unlimited money (JBS generates more cash in a month than most parties raise in an entire cycle)
– A redemption arc already written and blessed by Globo, Folha, and the usual columnists who flipped from calling him a sociopath in 2017 to praising his “courageous diplomacy” in 2025
– The personal endorsement of the current president he once paid under the table
– A Supreme Court that has demonstrated infinite creativity when it comes to keeping regime-friendly oligarchs electorally eligible
– A ready-made populist pitch: “I know where all the bodies are buried because I helped dig the holes. Vote for me and I’ll finally pave the street.”All that’s missing is a tan, a few well-timed tears on Fantástico, and a promise to bring chicken back to R$8 a kilo. In a country that re-elected Lula after everything, that’s not a high bar.
Laugh today if it helps you cope. But remember: every Brazilian who mocked the idea of Lula’s comeback in 2018–2021 ended up watching his inauguration on January 1, 2023.
If the republic keeps rewarding its biggest bandits with impunity, private jets, and diplomatic passports, the next promotion isn’t prison.
It’s the presidential sash.
President Joesley Batista isn’t a fever dream.
In this Brazil, it’s just the endgame everyone can already see coming.
(Yes, add it. It’s not hyperbole today, but it’s the kind of hyperbole that ages into prophecy in this country.)